New Years Eve thoughts...

Hi.

I will be back to you tomorrow. 

I've missed you my friend. 

Until then...Peace, Love and Thick Blankets

Sunday thoughts..

Hi.

I was thinking today and I asked myself the question, "Michael, who do you really love?"

I haven't thought about this in a long time because I guess I thought I was scared to answer the question, but listening and seeing my friends go through some things the answer is really simple. I love my friends and my family but I am not IN love with anyone. Well, that's not entirely true..I'm in love with my mother and I'm in love with God..both for different reasons, but also the same.

I'm in love with my mother because she was the person that brought my into the world and made me the person I am today. Good or bad, it's who I am. I'm in love with God because I am alive everyday because of him and I get the chance everyday to do something good for someone, or even myself. I may curse or damn him but he understands and loves me because he knows I am a good person. I may not succeed everyday but at least he gives me another day to try. 

I've have been in love recently with two people but somehow those things didn't work out. I actually keep up with one of them just about everyday and she actually STILL means a lot to me. We talk and banter like we're good friends, because I think we ARE good friends. A true relationship was probably not in the cards but it doesn't mean that I didn't care about her or loved her. I care about her today as much as I did back then..probably a little more now. The other one I really thought we had a connection and thought we could be something special but in the end..well..it's hard for me to say this but I just think I was used. It's hard to go from talking everyday and lunches and going out to just...nothing, but obviously I felt something that she didn't feel, or maybe she was just scared of a relationship, or like I said..I was just used. I hate to say that because I wouldn't think this person had it in her, but..sometimes actions speak for themselves. That doesn't mean I don't love her. I will always care about her but I can focus my attention on someone that wants me for me. I was texting my friend T about the situation and I made this statement; "She made me realize at the time that I could care for someone and how to treat someone. I didn't know if she ever had an alternative motive but I can't let her ruin the person I was when I was with her." It's how I truly feel. 

I posted something on FB this morning about soul mates and after reading it again before I started this blog it rings just as true. Your soul mate doesn't necessarily have to be your spouse, but it's really nice if it is. I know that I have a few of them...I don't have to tell them..they just know how much they mean to my life. I'm always accepted for who I am and I accept them for who they are. They bring joy in my life and there isn't a day I don't think about them. I don't have to talk to them everyday for affirmation of myself, but I WANT to talk to them because I generally want to know how they are and let them know how much they are to me. 

Sometimes we tend to forget the simplest thing we can do is bring a smile to someones face. You never know what that person may be going through but if tell them hi, ask how they're doing or tell them you love them..don't underestimate the power that brings to someones life.

I think I feel a lot better getting that off my chest. Now..the laundry calls. Until the next time...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!! 

Saturday thoughts

Hi all.

I figured while I was waiting on my neighborhood to wake up before I disturb them with my yard work I should write a little. I've been thinking about this all week and with the talks I've had with a couple people and the week I've had I wanted to vent a little and get some things off my chest.

So, how do you define a friend?

Like I said, I've been thinking about this long and hard and I wanted to write about this Tuesday but I know that it might be a little harsh and the point might not be taken the right way. 

Most of you know how much I treasure the friendships I've made but I've come to the realization that some people in my life are just acquaintances now. I've tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and still consider them a friend even after being hurt but after talking to my true friends they've made me come to the realization I'm nothing more to them than a good time..and to be honest I'm not even having a good time when I'm with them. 

To me, a friend is someone that I can talk to about my thoughts, feelings, goals, dreams, relationships and I also let them vent to me about the same things going on with them and I don't judge them. It plain as day now that I can really only rely on a few people in my life including my mother who I can consider this. It sucks to think I have more acquaintances than friends and it's a slap in the face but it's life so now I move on with more clarity and direction...

Another thing I was discussing with a friend last night was about soulmates and what defines this. As she said to me, "Some people make connections that are beyond physical and intellectual and emotional. It's chemical or spiritual. Something that draws you to them no matter where they are or what they're doing or whether they're married and have a family with someone else". That is such a true statement. She also asked if you can have more than one soulmate. I told her absolutely. On a planet of billions of people there is a greater statistical chance that there is more than one person you can be with your entire life. I know I have a couple people and I think they know this as well. They've seen me being the best person and they've been there for me and picked me up when I've been at my worst. I don't think I stop enough and tell them how much you mean to me but I wanted to stop today and thank you. You have no idea how much of my heart you have and you will always have a part of me. No matter what you do in life I'm going to be your biggest supporter and if you need a pickup I'm there for you. And always if you need a flirt I'm also there to.... ;) Just know I love you very much.

Well I guess I should get up from the bed and get motivated. Hopefully I won't wake up anyone. I hope you all have a great Saturday and I love you...well most of you. 

Until next time...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Monday Thoughts

Hi.

I didn't have the greatest of days. Now, back in the day I would come to this and write a story about something in my past and probably end up pissing someone off in the process. It really used to be therapeutic to be able to go off on people, even without saying their name but sometimes I would always get a note from that person asking what's my problem...blah, blah, blah.

Now that I'm an older and wiser man I'm not going to resort to such tom foolery. :)

I do have new stories to tell and adventures to fantasize about I think I'll be saving that for another time...so on that note.

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!

Sunday Thoughts...

What an awesome weekend. It was so nice to spend time with good friends at the Po Boys Crawfish Festival and eat some tremendous food. It was also good to spend time with coworkers at Corner Pocket. I've been needing to relax from work and it was a nice to cut loose. Now back to my thoughts...

Do you have any "what-if's" in your life? It could be relationship wise, professional goals or just something personal.

I've had a lot of "what-if" moments in my life but I've never regretted any choices that I've made in my life. I think if I did have to tell you it would be not having children. I've always thought that I could be a great dad. Right now at 45 I look at myself and think that I'll never have any. Sure I could date and marry a young woman but that's not really my style. You do love who you love but I don't make it a habit of dating women very young.

So..what is a "what-if" on your mind you want to confess?

Until next time...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!

Saturday Thoughts

Hello all. 

It's been a while since I've blogged but I figured 4/20 would be the best day to fire this page back up. 

A lot has happened since my last blog and it would honestly take all day to write it all down so I think the best way to bring you, and me, forward is to write stories about the things that's taken place since my last blog. It will be interesting and reflective for me. 

I always thought I was a better person when I blogged but life has been busy so some things were put on the back burner. I think to make myself "whole" again I REALLY need to get back on this. 

Anyway this was a quickie welcome back for you..and me to this blog. Depending on the craziness tonight I could write back...or use my recovery Sunday to follow up but until then....

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Friday Thoughts

Good morning everyone.

TGIF.

I just took a quick break and I started reading my blog from the beginning...All I have to say is..I could blog today about my blog....and maybe I just might do that this evening.

Well I gotta get back to work..until the next post.

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Thursday Thoughts

Hello.

I'd like to tell a story...it could be fact or fiction. Here it goes:

A man walks into a bar to watch a football game. He sees friends he's known for a long time and goes to greet them when all of a sudden he sees...her. When he laid his eyes on her he knew right there...she's "The One". Now this one isn't like "the ones" he's seen before. He didn't expect to meet "The One" today so he was completely caught off guard.

But wait..are you sure this is "The One"? You've seen other ones before...you really need to make sure she really is "The One" or you're just going to get yourself hurt again..another false hope..another dream dashed...Go talk to her and see if she's real or she's just an impostor...

He sits down next to her, because magically there was a chair available. He introduces himself and she introduces herself...that wasn't too bad..but you gotta dig deeper man..don't just go off this..keep talking!! As they continue to talk they find out they have mutual friends and have some mutual interests..uh oh..this is getting better..but you can't just ride on this man...dig deeper!! They continue to talk. They share a few drinks..because drinks and conversations always go together. He finds out more about her..and they're in the same age range. Well hot damn...how the hell does someone like this fall into his lap? The Gods have obviously decided to toss him a cookie because he's not going to find someone else like this ever again. So..what are you waiting for? Ask her out...ask her to come with you..don't lose this person...EVER! Well he asks her out and she already has plans...shit..strike one, two and three...but wait...She gives him her phone number and says...let's get together sometime and do lunch or dinner. I really like you and I'd like to spend time with you. HOLY SHIT...JACKPOT!!

Fast forward a couple weeks...they get together for and hang out a couple times..maybe a couple lunches, hanging out with friends, a movie, he meets her kid...He really thinks that she could be "the one"...but now there are always complications. The "ex" bugs her, she has "things" to do, she's not available, she's hanging out with other friends..He's a gentleman and accepts the reasons for not getting together. He still thinks she's "the one", but maybe there's a lot going on so the timing is just a little off...he's good and he doesn't mind waiting...he knows in the end it will all be worth it.

Fast forward a few months now...he comes back to the same bar but he has a friend with him. Now this isn't someone he's dating but just someone that he drinks with. While he started going out he got back together her and it was like old times. She walks into the bar...she sees him with "her". The friend says, "Is that her? Isn't she the one you like?" He tells her yes and then she says, "You gotta go talk to her..tell her how you feel...tell her everything." He says..wrong place, wrong time. A few hours go on and then finally after enough brow beating he does walk up to her. She turns around and sees him. They hug, say their hellos and he says...I have something to tell you:

"When I walked into this bar sometime ago I knew from the moment I saw you that you were "The One". We've hung out, done things together..I met your son, I knew from that moment you and I have a chemistry that not too many people have. Hey, I know you have problems..I do too. That doesn't change how I feel about you. I want this..us..to work. If you're scared about it....that's okay...I am too. But I know this..if I didn't tell you tonight you weren't who I want...I would be making one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Yes...I choose you. Let's get together sometime and make this happen."

She's speechless. They stare at each other. They kiss. They stare at each other. They kiss again. It was like the world had stopped. It truly was magic. He had finally found someone and they were going to start a new journey...together.

Fast forward to today...He's not dating but that's by choice..or that's what he says. He walks into that same bar to meet friends. She is there. He's kept up with her off and on since he told her everything. He's barred his soul to her a couple other times, but nothing has happened. She's not dating anyone at the moment. She's had a couple boyfriends but things haven't panned out for her like she wanted. He looks over. He thinks...should he go over? Should he go over to just get rejected again? He walks over to chat with a few of her friends and then they look at each other:

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm good...how are you?

It's good.

They hug...they hug for a good bit, but it's not the same.

Well, I have to go.

Okay..well take care of yourself. Maybe we should get together sometime?

We'll see.

He sits back and thinks to himself...Is she still "The One"? Could she still be everything you want? Could she be everything you need?

...Fuck this man...go drink and have a good time...

I hope you liked this story...and until the next time...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Saturday Thoughts

Hi.

It's been since June since I've written..and every time I say I'm going to write I don't so I think I'm not going to say it anymore...or maybe I could just make it a New Year's Resolution.. ;)

I'm really not going to write about the entire 2011 year but I can sum it up as a Tale of Quarters. 

The first quarter was really actually nice. I had reconnected with some people I hadn't been with in a long time. It was fun and I was feeling like I was back to my old self again. 

The second quarter basically sucked ass. Financially I took a big hit, my home was broken into, my car broke down on me and a lot of other shit I really don't want to rehash. 

The third quarter I felt like I was pulling myself out of the hole and things started to look better. Right before the forth quarter of the year I decided to give up everything and have a new attitude so when I go into 2012 I will recharge, refocus and be a better person. 

I can say even though it's still been rough financially that the last 3 months I'm closer to peace. I reconnected with someone that I've had a blast talking to and spending time with and I hope 2012 will bring more of the same. My old friends are still there and some of us are actually closer and some of them I've decided to push to the wayside. One of my mantras that I was going into 2012 was to stop hanging around or involving myself in drama and now that most of that has been removed from my life I'm like a new person. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind hearing gossip on the Coconut Telegraph but I'm getting out of the loop...and I sleep better!!

So, what does 2012 have in store for me? I have no clue but I've decided to give everything up and just enjoy myself and my friends. Would I love to start a new relationship...who wouldn't (well the people that are married..and if you are married and thinking about starting a new relationship..stop it now) but it's easier for me to ride the wave and see what happens. Would I love to start a new job..sure but with the economy as it is and the way they're treating State Employees I'm going to lay low unless something comes at my feet. I don't plan on leaving Tallahassee at least for another year or 3 unless I win the lottery tonight...even them Casa de Toker will still be here..it might be torn down for a newer place, but I love the neighborhood where I live and I actually do love this town. I've had some of my best, and worst times here but it's where I call home now and I wouldn't have it any other way. I do have some personal health goals that I'm looking forward to, but I'm not calling them resolutions...just goals. I've done a hell of a good job with myself last year so I'm going to keep going. 25 more pounds and some better looking muscles I see myself actually going shirtless more often by the middle of 2012 and especially by football season.

Crap...I gotta go. I hope you all have a great Saturday and maybe..I'll start posting more often. Maybe I should change my blog to Confessions of the "Mayor" of Tallahassee.

Until then...Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Hump Day Thoughts

Hi.

I just noticed that's it's been since November since I've posted on here...so I guess I can say I'm sorry but that would be kinda hollow and shallow. Maybe by writing more I can release a lot of things on my mind, but then again it makes me rehash items I just hate bringing up....what a Catch 22, huh?

Anyway, since I got home early and I don't have any other responsibilities (well actually I do, but I'm not going to do them) I figured I would put fingers to keyboard and catch up.

To say my life has been a whirlwind since November is an understatement. Because of all the things going on personally and professionally I felt like I had to close down my circle of friends and shut down a tad. In the process I know I've probably hurt a lot of people because I haven't shared a lot with you all, but at the time I felt it was best that these problems were my own and everyone didn't need to know. If I did hurt you I am truly sorry and I hope I didn't end our friendship.

During my time away I did reconnect with a person I hadn't seen in a while and we rekindled a friendship that I didn't know I really missed until I saw her again. And during the time we've reconnected I've realized the things that are important and valuable to me. I normally don't post people's names and I won't now but I think she realizes how much of a friend she means to me. She has made me realize that I have a lot to give and I have neglected some things that are important to me, but has also grounded me on family. For that...and you know who you are...thanks sweets.

I've always been a person that's said my life is an open book. Well I think that chapter is over. It doesn't mean I'm not and won't be the same person I am but after spending time with her I've realized I don't have to be that open to be real to myself and my friends. I always thought if I give everything to everyone it would be reciprocated. I've learned that's not totally true...but you know what...its not a bad thing. :)

I'm not going to say you're going to see a new me because that would be lying. I have been and always will be "Toker" but if you want to get to know "Michael" sometime I'm willing to let you in.

The next few months I'm going to do some soul searching and decide if I really want to continue my professional career with the State of Florida. It's going to be interesting for sure because I am at a point in my professional career where I need to decide if I want to be a "lifer". With the current state of Public Employees and budget cuts I don't see things happening and I've actually maxed out where I am, so I either need to stay where I am and hope I won't get cut or go to a new place where I have more of a chance for advancement. Well..we'll see what happens and I will be keeping you posted.

Well I should post this so I can watch NCIS. Now that I've started this again I might invest more time to this. It was good therapy before and I think it will be good therapy again..so until next time...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets (yes...even when it's 100 degrees!)

Tuesday Thoughts

Hi.

The past couple days I've spent reconnecting with my High School sweetheart (when my Internet Connection worked..). I call her that because..well..I can..and because she was the first person that I really loved...or at least what I called Love back then. It's been really nice catching up on her life, telling her about mine and just acting like old times.

Sometimes it takes time and distance to realize the special bond you have with some people. I know that her and I will always be friends, give each other crap about the littlest of stuff and be the shoulder to cry on if something serious happens. I know I can't be her knight in shining armor coming to save the say but at least I can be that person to comfort her and let her know everything will be okay...and it will be.. :)

It's a shame that other people that were in my life can't be that close. As someone said, "Time heals all wounds", but in that case..I seriously doubt it....anyway....

It was also good to hear from a friend I hadn't seen online in a long time. I had finished up a conversation with my "little sister" and I saw her hop on. I shot her a quick note figuring I wouldn't hear from her and a little while later...poof...she shot me a note back. It was REALLY good to hear from her because I know she's been dealing with a lot and virtually handling it alone. I'd like to be around to help but maybe with that nice chat she may come back on and we'll chat more....Take care my friend!! :)


Well the past few days I've been dealing with Comcast on an internet issue and I would like to say that it was resolved completely today. The guy that came out was so cool. We talked and he went over all the problems I discussed and we found out it was the cable modem. I hated it because I'm going to have to pay for a modem but he hooked me up.. :) I wish him luck on his job interview at FSU. He's going into the IT field over in Admissions and I really hope he gets the job. Anyone that can talk Geek with me and laugh when they opened Google Chrome and saw my recently closed tabs is alright with me....btw....if you use Google Chrome and you have someone come over and use your desktop..always remember to clear your cache or there might be an embarrassing moment... :)

Anyway....I need to go. I want to say goodnight to a few people and finish up a spreadsheet.

Oh...I did have one confession I wanted to make before I went to bed. I guess I can say it now with complete certainty. I really think I'm starting to fall...well...I'll end it here.

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Veteran's Day Thoughts/Confessions

Hi.

I will have to admit...it's been one of the most interesting days I've had in quite some time. So much that I decided to actually blog tonight before I go to sleep.

Today I thought was actually going to start out pretty bad because I woke up and I thought my Internet connection was down (CRAP)...and since I had to pay bills today that was a no-go for Mr. Toker....but after calling Comcast (ugh) I find out it's the router and not the cable....whew, that was one load off my chest.

Then after tons of laundry I decided to go downtown to see the Veteran's Day Parade. I haven't been to one in quite a while but I decided to pay my respects to the people that served our country and the people that gave their lives for me to have a day off. I hung out with a sweet lady friend of mine and her kids and their friend along with a bunch of other people and had an awesome time. I have to admit I totally respect this woman in everything she does and the way she just...is. If I had to describe her it would be hard because there's so many things I could say but If there is a picture of "Southern Belle" in the dictionary it would be her....and I also love that her kids call me Mr. Toker...I get a kick out of that.

Well after lunch, a little bit of work and out to see Marching Chiefs go through rehearsal I decided on the way home to call another friend of mine. I've been meaning to call her for a while, but I'll be honest...I'm not the "talking on the phone" kinda person..but I am getting better. It was just nice to have a conversation with someone where I knew drama wouldn't be brought up, I wouldn't be talking about work and just talk about anything and everything. It was so refreshing to chat and catchup that it didn't seem difficult. I also admit I will talk while I'm driving because when I get home I normally end my call but when I got into the house I really didn't want to leave...and when she had to go I was actually sad to say bye.

It's been hard for me since I broke up with my last GF to really open up and talk to women. Don't get me wrong...I can talk to girls all day if it's about sports, or politics or current events but when I want to let go and just talk about real things that are going on it hasn't been easy. I do have a lot of women friends and I enjoy going out and hanging with all of them but I've been thinking that I want something/someone in my life again. I've tried to be open to a couple people but they really haven't given me the time of day. They may talk a good talk but in the end, it's really kind of shallow and I can tell it's pretty hollow in effort. I make efforts to be available to them but it seems like they turn a deaf ear. But with this person...things just seem...better. I enjoy her company and I actually want to spend time with her...I mean REALLY want spend time with her. I didn't think I would be finding myself interested in her but now I feel like I am (well and probably by the end of this blog she might know it as well...) I have no clue how I truly feel yet or what the future will bring but I know that I've probably been the most happy the past few weeks than I have been in quite sometime and I know I don't want that to end anytime soon. I guess that means I'll be texting someone pretty soon..but not tonight because it's late and I'm tired.

Well now...that was an interesting release. I didn't even think I would even write this out tonight but you know...I actually feel better that I did. I think it's time for me to contemplate sleeping so I better end this and say...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets...Good night all.

Thursday Thoughts

Hi.


Since I'm going out tonight to watch Kansas State and Nebraska play tonight (Go Wildcats!!) I figured I would knock out a quickie blog before I have dinner with a friend to catch up on some things before drinking starts...


On Facebook I see, and participate in "poking". To be official I cut and paste the definition from Facebook itself:


The poke feature can be used for a variety of things on Facebook. For instance, you can poke your friends to say hello. When you poke someone, they will receive a poke alert on their home page. When you poke someone, a poke icon will appear on his or her Home page with the option to "Remove Poke" or "Poke Back."


As a public service announcement, poking has nothing to do with sex at all. 


I know this isn't a big blog today but maybe when I get home tonight I'll have more...so until then...


Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!

Hump Day Thoughts

Hi.


Well, I've shaved my goatee off this morning after I did a quickie drive-by at work. I remind myself of how I looked in High School, except 100 lbs more and shorter hair. Tomorrow I'll shave the mustache off and see how I like it for a while. Change is sometimes good....

I read a post that a friend of mine put up on Facebook that's spoke to my heart:

I wonder is a TRUE friend someone who is always honest with you regardless of if it will hurt you or not?  

 

I've thought about this a while before I posted it, not only because I wanted to see the responses I received but I wanted to make sure I gave an accurate answer to the question. I would like to think I'm a true friend to most people. I have never tried to be "sometimes" friend but I can't, nor will I try to change someones thoughts about that. I don't like being an acquaintance with people, but honestly I know I am with certain people and people can tell if you're treating them like an acquaintance. 

I can tell you that if you invest in my friendship I will invest in yours. A lot of people have taken me up on that offer and we're in the process of building or have built long standing friendships. Some people haven't in my past and present and I've thought long and hard about it and I think finally I'm okay with it. Those people that know me know I love my friends just as much and sometimes even more than my family because I'm around them so much. It hurts me when people don't see that but it's not something I dwell on. I love my life and I love my friends but my life doesn't revolve around my friends. It revolves around making myself the best person I know I can be. I've failed a few times but not as much as the successes I've got.

 

Loud Fire Trucks and Police Cars in the background...must be serious...

 

Anyway, onto what I was really going to write about...I spent an hour watching the debate between the candidates for the FL Senate Race. I'm very iffy when it comes to politics. I don't follow the local races as much as the candidates for the House, Senate and President. I am a registered Democrat but I don't vote on party lines. I've always looked at the people running for election and made my decisions on who I feel will best represent my interests. This Senate Race really has me thinking. I'm not really happy with all three men. Their track records aren't the best in the world but I have to look at who is going to represent my interests in DC.

 

DAMMIT UCF..why did you have to fumble the ball!!!

 

Anyway, the elections are coming soon so I guess I need to review them a few times before I make my decision..

 

WHAT A BS CALL!!! That was NOT Pass Interference!!!

 

Well I better get back to watching this game or this blog might turn into a cussing rant. 

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Tuesday Thoughts

Hi.

I've been thinking long and hard about shaving my mustache and goatee. As anyone knows I'm hard with change. It took me a good 6 years to change from my "Kid 'n Play" haircut to the short haircut that I have now... :) I've had something on my face ever since High School. I never had a goatee but I thought as I got older, and I could actually grow more hair on my face, that it was a natural progression for me. But I've had this style for quite sometime and now I feel like it's time for a change again.

The only thing about change for me is settling in after I make my changes...(guess that's explains why I haven't dated in a while) but now that my responsibilities for picture taking for weddings are complete I think I can go ahead with it. I'm also superstitious and with it being Miami Week I'm kinda concerned about it as well but with a new era in FSU football should start a new era in myself...I'll spend one more night with hair on my face and tomorrow I'll show the new me...let me know what you think.. :)

Airplane flying over the house very low.....

I'm so happy to be off the remainder of the week. I've been working a lot of hours lately and management has graciously let me take the rest of the week to recharge my batteries. I put in a request to attend a seminar around the end of the month which will make a busy last week of October because I'll want to see friends in Orlando and also get back up to Tally for the BeerFest and for a Halloween party I want to go to. I just know things are going to be crazy and I'm going to miss on some people but that just means I'll have to catch them next time. I wish I could clone myself so I could send my clone to the seminar and hang out with my friends around FL but I don't think the State would appreciate that too much... ;)

A friend of mine taught me a trick on taking quickie naps. She told me to sleep on top of the covers, get a box fan or something that gives you a constant noise and make sure the temp is cool. Well, I tried it after I got home from work, minus the fan but adding another cover because i can't sleep without a blanket on top of me and OH MY GOODNESS that was the best nap I've had in FOREVER!!! Thanks my Milton buddy for giving me a new outlook on sleeping...I'll be using this technique from now on!!

Well I could write so much more because I've got some thoughts on other things but I'll save them for another time. Nothing now is safe since I'm writing again...It's like a new found therapist for me.

Until next time...

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Monday Thoughts

Hi everyone.

• I love when the weather changes because everyone gets in a better attitude. 
• I'm hoping this week comes with new changes in my life as well. I can admit the past couple weeks I've been in a great 5p-8a mood. My 8a-5p mood...well, it's still the same.. :)
• One of my biggest pet peeves is when I need something and I look for it and can't get it. What's one of your biggest pet peeves??
• I love my friends dearly but I've noticed in the past few months the word "drama" has been passed around an awful lot. I would like to think it's really not drama as much as immaturity with how to handle situations. We are all intelligent people but I've noticed that some of us have a hard time dealing with personal situations. Rather than dealing with them intelligently and adult like I've noticed that people deal with them like they were in high school...I can admit I get drawn into it as well, but I'm learning to try to pass my wisdom to help people deal with their problems. I'd like to think it's working but I know it's not. In the end people are going to do what they want no matter what you tell them. 
• I think in my next life I want to be a psychologist... :)
• Open Enrollment has been going on for a couple weeks. I've been thinking about changing my health insurance. I want an HMO that will offer massages....If I continue to be single I might as well pay for it the professional way.. ;)
• I'd love to take the rest of the week off to get things done in my house/yard. I've got a tree that's been sitting out in the back for months....I'm going to go in and ask again tomorrow. Let's see if I'm denied like last week...and if I am then there is going to be a NICE long blog again.. ;-)
• I've been posting Daily Motivator messages on Facebook and tweets not only for myself but for my friends as well. Do you like this? Do you want more? 
• I have to admit I'm starting to feel better about myself lately. I've given up on the idea that we only have one life and it's way to short to dwell on the negative and things that are out of my control. I know that I've got debt and I'm getting older but I treasure the friends I have in and out of work and the life I do have. Things will either change for the better or worse but in the end it is what it is.

Well that's enough for now. I've got more tomorrow...didn't want to blow my whole wad tonight... ;)

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Sunday Thoughts

Hi.

I haven't blogged since May so I figured rather than starting on a normal rant I need to catch everyone up on what's been going on. Hope I don't bore you...

• Mom and I have been talking and discussing things about her doing a living will and trust. Believe me, this hasn't been easy for me because I always expect my mother to be here for me but the truth is I'm 42 and she's almost 72 so it's bound to happen that there could be an issue where should could come incapacitated or in a condition where I will have to take over the family issues. It's not something I'm looking forward to at all but I knew when I traveled to DC to be with my aunt when she passed away my sister wouldn't step up to the plate and deal with it. Don't get me wrong I love my family more than anything and as being the only man in the family this was something I needed to do it just doesn't seem right for everything that goes on there is always an excuse or she has to be bailed out of something. I have been on my own since I graduated high school. Did I get in trouble in my younger days, of course but I always took care of my responsibilities and never asked for anything I couldn't pay back. I will always love my sister and her family but she's way too old to be dependent on people to do things for her. I don't think she's ever held a real job and sure she's raised kids but those kids are grown so that's not an excuse to not work. My mother has spent her whole life trying to do things for our family, especially her and she's never grateful for what she's done. She has a roof over her head for her children, TV in her house, a phone line but what has been done in repayment? Nothing. Take this as a lesson that PLEASE no matter what you think of your parents they are the people that gave you life and ALWAYS respect this. It's not a difficult thing to do...so just do it. 

• In regards to work things have been totally busy. We've had a ton of projects that have been interesting to say the least. I would like to think that we're at a point that we can stop doing projects and concentrate on the items we have at hand but that's not the case. Hopefully soon things will calm down and I can concentrate on working on the project I want to do. I've got a pile of Administrative things to take care of but I haven't been able to touch them since the last time I've written. As some of you know, we've had some appearance issue where I work. Some of our current staff are putting the blame on other entities on why their not retained. I don't think it has anything to do with that but more along the lines of not following the law. Where I work we deal with statutes and rules...we don't make the rules, we just enforce them. If a company comes in and wants something and as long as they are within the guideline of the statute/rules they are entitled to a fair hearing and for the most part everything they asked for. We have people that feel that we should "stick it" to the companies that ask for what they want. Are times tough? Sure. Do they deserve everything they are for? Probably not but if someone is asking for say...1 billion I'm a realist knowing they only really deserve 500 million or so. Good people lost their jobs in the past year because they were not political but also other people have lost their jobs because they don't "play the game". In the end...let's just hope the next few months are drama free...

• Now...personally...what can I say that's happened since May. I think the best way to put it is that I've been stagnant in my life. Spiritually I feel I'm in a better place than I've been in a long time. I've tried to remain positive in my life and in my actions and I feel that it's been paying off dividends but not in the area of relationships. I'll be honest in that right now might not be the best time in the world to be looking for someone or to start a relationship but it's been a while for me and I can actually say I'm starting to get a little lonely. I have a great group of friends, not only here in town but all over the country that give me support beyond what I could think of. In turn I feel like I give of myself whenever I'm needed. I will admit I've dropped the ball on some people and with those people I will "true up" with them but for all the support I give to people sometimes I do feel at those times I really need someone, someone to come over and just "hang" those times aren't being reciprocated. Now that's not going to all my guy friends because they're the best and everytime I'm out I have a blast but as far as women go..not so much. It does make me wonder if it's me. I know I'm that "guy that everyone loves to party with", but am I that person you can date? Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong dating pool? Well, in the next few months I'm going to do some more reflection on this subject. It should make for some interesting blogging... :)

Well I think I've vented/released enough for now. I'll be back to my normal rants soon enough because this weekend has given me enough ideas to last the rest of the year!! 

Anyway thanks for reading. I hope you all have a great week. Oh, and I hope you like the new design. I tried to find something fitting of my mood. 

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!

Tuesday Thoughts...

Hi.

I've had this blog on the tip of my tongue for a while now but I haven't been able to spit it out. I figured while I'm grilling burgers maybe it will come out...

Regrets...


I always thought that I never have any regrets for the things I've done in my life but sometimes I can lay in bed and things float through my head:

• Why didn't I walk that special person to class in High School?
• Why didn't I make that move when I got the green light?
• Why didn't I take the full ride at Southern Miss and came to FSU?
• Hell...why didn't I just go to Alabama with some of my other friends than coming to FSU??
• Why didn't I kiss that girl after a lovely evening out?
• Why didn't I buy that house in Killearn?
• Why did I flip out that morning rather than keep my mouth shut?
• Why didn't I just give her a ring???

There are so many other ones that float through my head but one sticks out more than anything:

During Middle School I was friends with a guy named Curtis Council (I might not be spelling his name right). We were inseparable. He would spend time at my house and I would go over to his place. We did everything together...he was one of my first best friends.

One day he asked if I could come over and play. I wasn't feeling well so I didn't go over to his house. I didn't know but I wouldn't see him again after that day. He went to play outside and had an accident playing in a tree. I never saw him again. I never got the chance to say good-bye. It's something I've carried on my mind for a long time and I've never said anything about it until tonight. I wish I could go back and say, "Hey man, I'll get Mom to drop me off and I'll be over soon." Who knows if there was anything I could do..or if it wouldn't have happened but it did happen and it's something to think about.

I think it's one reason why I treasure friendships so deeply and when people leave me I take it very hard. As much as I am a "Social Butterfly", I don't make friends that easily so when I do it means I don't want to lose that friendship. This could really go into another conversation, but I'm sure someone will get wind of it and then I'll get another evil note telling me I need to "atone" for the things I've done wrong. Fuck that.


Anyway, there are a couple more that I'll talk about but I think I'll end it for now. It's been a long couple days and a home cooked burger should make me feel better.

Treasure those friendships that you have because in the blink of an eye...they could be over.

Do you have any regrets you want to share? I think you know my email address if you want to tell me.. :)


Until next time...Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!

I'd like to introduce myself. My name is...

My friend...I'm so sorry to have neglected you.

I will admit I've been kinda lazy about doing this. I've had some interesting things that have happened since my last blog and I will write about them as the weeks roll on. I just hope that everyone hasn't forgotten about me. I have missed you.

To strike some conversation up here's a question for the ladies...or men if you're inclined to answer:

Do you like massages? If you do, do you like your man or significant other to use massage oils? And if so, what type of scents do you like? I'm very interested in knowing....just for research of course... :)

Anyway, this was going to be short so I can get myself back into the swing. I hope that you all have an awesome Friday and hopefully I'll start writing more as the days and weeks go on.

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets....

Tuesday Thoughts..

Hello.

How do you go about meeting people?

Most of the people I meet are through my friends or coworkers. Usually in a five minute or so conversation..and then some discussion with my friends I pretty well can size up on whether I can continue a friendship. It's been very rare that I've met someone through a friend that I don't like.

In the past few weeks I've met some people (either online or face to face) and I think I have to admit that even though I'm almost 42 (yeah I can admit it) I'm still pretty shy when it comes to talking to people. I guess it's hard to explain but the easiest way to do it is that I'm really not a fan of rejection. I don't know why but I take those things personal.

When I meet someone I really make an investment in that person to get to know them. I think that's probably why I can meet people and how people are attracted because honestly I really do care.

Is this true? Well, onto something else...

The Seminole Sound Alumni Band is over for the Holiday Breaks. I have to admit this was the best year ever. We had so many people turn out for all the games and people even traveled into town to do this. I was able to spend time with some really good friends from long ago and meet some really nice people which I hope will continue to be a part of what I've started for a long time to come. I want this to be something, just like Homecoming, where people can come back and feel like they can be part of something...and I think it's been a success. Thanks again guys. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

I've taken an investment into some other items of my life that have been lacking. I'll be discussing these as I go through it. One of the things I'd really love to do is.....

Peace, Love and Thick Blankets...and the Thick Blankets are needed this week!!