Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Long Day Ahead...please use caution


What a great wrestling show. After a great Beniot/Orton match, Evolution completely punked out Orton. It was refreshing for wrestling to go back to the old days when the beat downs came after a new champ was crowned. Looks like Orton will be turning into a good guy sooner than I expected...anyway back to my ramblings....

Well, I did it. I sent that email that I was talking about yesterday. It was something that I didn't want to do, but I felt it was needed. Like I said, I was tired of being blown off and either I will lose a friend or at least the lines of communication will start up again. We'll see.

When I do things it's either hard and fast or nothing at all. Life is way too short to beat around the bush. Now don't get me wrong, I am not blunt when it comes to people, but I don't like to play games. Before my divorce I was a lot different, because I was more about "we" and not "me". Maybe if I would have paid attention to "me" a little more back then things would be different. I doubt it.

Why am I talking about this? Well there is this girl that is a friend of mine. We met back in October while I was playing an online game during a work break (hope no one at work is reading this...) This one guy was hitting on her and I was basically trying to stir the pot and get them together, but then we ended up talking. We hit it off really quick and we started talking daily. She helped me so much after the divorce to realize that the world is not coming to an end and there is so much to live for. She showed me that the passion that my ex wife told me that I didn't have wasn't true. With that I started dating someone here at work and was able to show her passion that I thought was gone. Even though that work relationship didn't last I knew that I am still "good".

Not even seeing this person I knew that this was someone that I could fall for easily...and guess what..I did. Well I figured, nothing ventured nothing gained so I let her know how I felt. Thinking that a rejection was soon to come I was pleasantly suprised that she didn't completely reject me. I did understand that there was a distance thing between us and she also started to becoming interested in a guy that lives near her. But I would rather have her in my life as a friend or nothing at all. Maybe someday we'll finally get together. It could be at her wedding or it might be on a trip she comes to Florida or I go out to Oklahoma. All I know is that she has done something for me that not to many people have done. She's really made me happy and for that I love her....(see I told ya I would write about you..) So like I said, I do things either hard and fast or nothing at all. If you don't take a risk in something you can never really know what you're made of.

Well enough mushy shit...time to bitch....

What a f**king long day at work. No only have I been here since 6:45 this morning, when I went to lunch I saw the girl I used to date....ugh. I don't know if she saw me, but I saw her. Sometimes I wonder what I even saw in her. I really cared about her and I was starting to have really good feelings about persuing something further, but I think she pushed and I wasn't ready to commit.

All I wanted was a little time.

Sure I had a crush on her for a long time even before I was married, but I valued my relationship with my girlfriend/wife more than anything, (don't you kinda wish everyone could do that?) we started dating after the divorce, the sex was awesome, but what really possessed me into getting involved with her? Maybe it was that "nothing ventured, nothing gained" attitude that I have, but it's also gotten me into trouble as well. I don't regret ever dating her. Maybe we broke it off all wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have started seeing her so quickly after the divorce. Maybe there are a whole lot of reasons. Maybe I still have feelings for her?? I dunno.

I know something I am missing.... :)

I think if I don't.....soon I am going to go bonkers....

Well I have paperwork to get off my desk. I need to write more, but I want this to sit for a while. Maybe after I read it I will write more later.

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