I was thinking today and I asked myself the question, "Michael, who do you really love?"
I haven't thought about this in a long time because I guess I thought I was scared to answer the question, but listening and seeing my friends go through some things the answer is really simple. I love my friends and my family but I am not IN love with anyone. Well, that's not entirely true..I'm in love with my mother and I'm in love with God..both for different reasons, but also the same.
I'm in love with my mother because she was the person that brought my into the world and made me the person I am today. Good or bad, it's who I am. I'm in love with God because I am alive everyday because of him and I get the chance everyday to do something good for someone, or even myself. I may curse or damn him but he understands and loves me because he knows I am a good person. I may not succeed everyday but at least he gives me another day to try.
I've have been in love recently with two people but somehow those things didn't work out. I actually keep up with one of them just about everyday and she actually STILL means a lot to me. We talk and banter like we're good friends, because I think we ARE good friends. A true relationship was probably not in the cards but it doesn't mean that I didn't care about her or loved her. I care about her today as much as I did back then..probably a little more now. The other one I really thought we had a connection and thought we could be something special but in the end..well..it's hard for me to say this but I just think I was used. It's hard to go from talking everyday and lunches and going out to just...nothing, but obviously I felt something that she didn't feel, or maybe she was just scared of a relationship, or like I said..I was just used. I hate to say that because I wouldn't think this person had it in her, but..sometimes actions speak for themselves. That doesn't mean I don't love her. I will always care about her but I can focus my attention on someone that wants me for me. I was texting my friend T about the situation and I made this statement; "She made me realize at the time that I could care for someone and how to treat someone. I didn't know if she ever had an alternative motive but I can't let her ruin the person I was when I was with her." It's how I truly feel.
I posted something on FB this morning about soul mates and after reading it again before I started this blog it rings just as true. Your soul mate doesn't necessarily have to be your spouse, but it's really nice if it is. I know that I have a few of them...I don't have to tell them..they just know how much they mean to my life. I'm always accepted for who I am and I accept them for who they are. They bring joy in my life and there isn't a day I don't think about them. I don't have to talk to them everyday for affirmation of myself, but I WANT to talk to them because I generally want to know how they are and let them know how much they are to me.
Sometimes we tend to forget the simplest thing we can do is bring a smile to someones face. You never know what that person may be going through but if tell them hi, ask how they're doing or tell them you love them..don't underestimate the power that brings to someones life.
I think I feel a lot better getting that off my chest. Now..the laundry calls. Until the next time...
Peace, Love and Thick Blankets!!