Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I'm gonna type till my fingers bleed...


Wow..I read my blog today and it's been a while. I just thought that it doesn't make any sense to write when you have nothing to say. I could babble every day but then it doesn't make it important to me or to anyone who reads this.

I got a note on why I don't mention names in my Blog. Because even though this is my thoughts and my feelings, it's also on the Net, so I don't want people going around stalking my friends. If you don't mind me mentioning your name then all you have to do is tell me. The only people I will name are ex's because I feel like it. And they suck.


Anyway with that comment...

Let me recap some things since I've been gone:


  • FEMA and Insurance came by and looked at mom's place. They called it a complete loss. Because of that she will be entitled to a complete replacement of the house. They've already ripped up the carpet as it's starting to mold but mostly all of the possessions are somewhat intact. It's humbling to think that everything you own and everything you work for basically is reduced down to a number. Sad.
  • FEMA hasn't been my sister's place yet, but it's much worse than mom's. She basically lost everything except some of the items that were boxed up in plastic tubs.
  • My uncle's place didn't suffer as much damage, so that's where everyone is staying for now. There is a big hole in the roof near the front and back of the house, but it's been tarped up, so it's okay. They just got their power back on Sunday, but still no phone..Funny thing is that over at mom's the phone works..so they walk down the street to mother's so they can use the phone so they don't burn up the cell. Too bad they can't run a long line to his place, but they said the phone and cable company won't come out for another week or so.
  • Mom heard from my other uncle in Pensacola. The town is like war zone. If you drive around you would think they dropped a bomb in the city. I can't wait to see the bridge that crosses into Pensacola. I don't know how I am going to react. There was so much that I used to go to over there and so many things that I did are gone...GONE.

One word comes to mind for all this...Humbling.

uh oh...Veal is done..be back after I eat.. :)

Well..dinner was good. I had Veal Breast (he he) with Corn Bread Stuffing and Spinach...mmmm. Anyway...back to my conversation.

This past weekend was really awesome. I was able to have my "vegetables" Friday night and break away from everything and then Saturday take in the FSU-Clemson football game. I was almost considering not to go, but then I decided that it wouldn't make any sense for me not to go and I really needed the break. Everyone got together for our normal tailgate and it was REALLY laid back. We got there pretty late so we almost didn't have anywhere to put up the tent, but luckily we bum-rushed our way into a spot and chilled for the afternoon. I got a chance to meet my sitting buddy boyfriend there. He's really nice and seemed at ease..even with our wacky group. I do hope those two work out. I really like her and she needs someone that can be good to her and gives her everything she wants. I could start another complete story, but I think I might save that for another time.. :)


The game was not anything as I expected. I was really happy to sit with my friend this weekend. It's always weird to sit with a female for the first time at a sporting event. We sit next to each other for Baseball, but Football is completely different..I am a different person.. :) I was very happy that we decided to sit together this season..expect for the people that sit a couple rows below us (ugh). I also got a chance to meet a few of her friends. She has a really cool clique of people. I also got a chance to meet one of the girls that was in a pic that she sent me a while ago. She was trying to tell me that I needed to hook up with another girl in the pic, but I was drooling over this girl. Too bad she has a boyfriend..and they've been together for a while. She's cute. Really cute. Okay...she's HOT.

mmmmmm.....I like that flavor.....

I hate to say I am glad that Chris Rix went down, but I am. We really showed that we actually recruit people that can play the game. Now granted it was at home and it was against Clemson, but Wyatt showed that he can play this game. Let's just hope that in the coming weeks that he gets better and shows FSU that he belongs to stay.

Sunday was pretty boring. I sat around here recovering from all the drinking I did Saturday and prepared for yet ANOTHER storm. I am so sick of all this..sometimes I just feel like moving out of the state, but I've been here all my life, so I don't think there's no way that I leave..at least right now. The winds blew...the trees shook...limbs fell, but nothing fell through the house and my big limb that I've been begging for to come down never did. DAMN. I was so wishing that I didn't have to go to work on Monday as I wanted to spend the whole day cleaning my yard.

When I woke up Monday I found out that I had to go in so I just made the best of it. I spent most of the day talking to my friend in Oklahoma. If I start talking about her again it's going to get mushy....okay I'll talk.

We spend so much time talking to each other every day and I learn so much more everyday I spend time with her. It's amazing that we've already known each other almost a year. We seem to get closer the more time we spend and the more time we talk to each other. She is so much different than my ex. It's so hard for me to open up to anyone because I was really hurt by Jeannie. She's taught me so much in this past year I don't even know how to repay her and I can't wait until we get together. She's so caring and compassionate and she doesn't have any ulterior motives...She loves me for me. No more no less. I wish I was able to get out there and spend time with her, but it's just not in the cards at the moment. I am really scared to say that someone is "the one" again, but if there is anyone that's it..she's it. It's really hard to wait for something to happen. I've been scared to let people into my life like I did with my ex, but she's helped me realize that I do have something to give to someone and if it's not her I know that there is someone out there for me...

I love you...

I woke up Tuesday still feeling like crap. I think I am coming down with something. I hope I can shake it before this weekend. I spent most of my day when I wasn't doing Audio work for a hearing talking to my football sitting buddy and my Oklahoma friend...(yes I am sad)

Sometimes I really hate my job. We have an older guy and all he does is bitch about losing his job, but he never does shit. The Printshop Supervisor would like for him to do more, but he just doesn't and when other people do things in the Printshop he gets upset that he's not pulling his weight...and since it's State Government it takes an act of God to fire someone. WHAT THE HELL IS IT? IT'S ONE F**KING THING OR THE OTHER. I really hate people like that. We are all adults and we do not need to be told to do your job or take the initiative to do something. I do so much around there that's not even my job, but I also have the time to talk to my friends and start plenty of projects to help the agency, but no one has to tell me to do anything because I have to feel that I am worth something so I keep busy and get shit done. Maybe if he did some of the stuff I did I wouldn't have to do as much. If I was his supervisor I would fire his ass in a heartbeat. I think honestly he tries to pull shit because he's been diagnosed Bipolar. Honestly, I don't think that's an excuse to sit around and bitch about not doing anything. I just hate excuses period. Now I know why my office is back in there...I am the peacekeeper of this division. Like I told my friend after the Clemson game...It's a heavy responsibility being Toker.

Well I came home and started working on the yard. It's a complete mess. It's going to take me at least a week to get it cleared up and as soon as it's done another storm will show up. I should just chop all my trees down and start from scratch. Well anyway, while I was raking the yard I got a bug up my butt about something (sometimes that happens when I am alone doing yardwork) I started thinking about the email I got back from Penny the other week. I can't believe that she has the nerve to be sarcastic. I should have never even sent her a f**king b-day card, but that's what I get for being nice. I thought that maybe we could at least be friends, but now I am not going to even try. I can't believe that I actually cared about her. I can't believe that I let her into my world. All I wanted was time. I wanted to sit with someone else and not her for this season. I had already made plans, but I guess she couldn't handle that. I wanted to bring her in and meet my friends. She would be a good addition to the group. I was told by one of my coworkers that I should leave her alone...she wasn't right for me and that she was bad news, but I shrugged it off and decided to get involved anyway. And the worst thing about it, I really like her dad. He's really cool. I am not sure if he knew we were together, but we talked all the time. That's what I get for getting involved with work romance...Drama, plain and simple.

Well, it's really late and I need to pass out. I think I have completely emptied my brain, so I will sleep well. I know I'll wake up and have more to write, but that's for another Blog...

Current Mood: Content

Current Music: Fox Sports Radio (Streaming Radio)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you need a break. You seem depressed and a little close to a break down. In my opinion you definately need a vacation.

I actually think that you need a larger break. A new job, move to a new city. Something. This will allow you to get beyond the EXs. It will allow you to get past the same old thing. New women, new excitement, and a chance to redevelop your public persona. This has a great liberating effect. Besides did I mention new women.

I am not sure if this is in your future or not but change can be good. If you can't do the big change try something different to change things up. Eat your "veggies" write a new play book and see what happens.