Saturday, August 14, 2004

Back in the saddle again


Man, what a Friday. I thought that I would have a pretty boring day sitting at home doing nothing, then all of a sudden I am frantic because most of my close friends were now staring at a major storm. Luckily all of my friends are safe. They have a lot of cleaning to do, but at least they are alive. I would be completely beside myself if anything happened to them. I still haven't been able to get in touch with my friends in Key West but I will try again tomorrow morning.

Okay, with that little bit out of the way I can talk about myself now. I was born a poor black child in Milton Florida (insert joke here). For you people that need a geography lesson, that's 20 miles east of Pensacola or 200 miles west of Tallahassee.

I am the youngest of 3 children. I was raised by my mother as I didn't have my father around for all of my childhood. My mother is a VERY independent person. My brother has autism, retardation, and non-hodgkins lymphoma and my sister was diagnosed with extreme diabetes and almost died, but was able to make it to my wedding. I have a very strong family. We didn't have much of anything, but we were truly loved.

My mom raised us well and also went back to school to get her degree in Social Work. Sometimes we had to take care of ourselves, but we understood the greater good in all this. What we didn't have in material possessions she made up in love. For that she taught me that there is good in everyone, even the worst of people.

People always tell me, "Well you don't ACT black...". What the hell does that mean? Most of my schooling was with white kids and I do have white friends, but just because I was among those surroundings that doesn't mean I wasn't raised by black people. I was raised that stereotypes are for idiots and you can be so much more if you just apply yourself and BE yourself. People act a certain way because they might think it's cool, or it might get them what they want. Believe me, acting "ghetto" would get me nothing in Milton, but just being "me" would get me a long way in life.

During elementary school I got good grades, was in the Gifted classes and since that was the case most of the kids I hung around during school were white. After school I had the kids that I played with in the neighborhood, but since we were near the projects we all didn't have much, but we all played together. My mom wouldn't let me play with some of the kids around because their parents either did drugs or they were just plain bad. At the time I didn't understand it, but now that I am older it's all clear to me. She wanted better for me and hanging around them wouldn't get me to where I needed to be in life.

In Middle and High School I was good in sports, but I figured it was easier for me to play an instrument, so I joined band. I picked up instruments pretty easy, but since there was a need for tuba players I played that and it stuck with me till this day. I was a pretty good baseball player and I even played spring football and wasn't a bad quarterback, but when it came down to what I wanted in life, I didn't want to use my strength I wanted to use my brain, so I stayed with band. It got me a full ride to Southern Mississippi and Alabama (I still don't know WHY I didn't take it), but I was waiting for Florida State to give me a look. I never got a scholarship, but I did get accepted, so off to FSU I went.

I could talk about my college years, but it would take at least a month of typing, so I'll save that for different stories off an on as the situation warrants.

Just to ramble more, but I think the main reason people gravitate around me is because I am nothing more. What you see is what you get and I am loyal to the end. It's an awesome responsibility being Toker, but I don't mind. Oh, and for you new readers Toker is my given name. My father's middle name is Toker as well. It's a family name passed down from the Cherokee in Oklahoma where my father's people are. I get kidded so much about the middle name because people either think my parents are hippies or that I am a complete stoner.

Black Hippies.....get real. And as far as being a stoner...don't even go there. Not even close.

Man, I could talk about so many things, but once my mind starts wandering, I tend to get angry, so I'll save some of that for even more ramblings later.

Well Law and Order: SVU is on so I am going to jet. I hope some of my ramblings are interesting to you and I'll be writing more and more as the days go on.

The current mood of FSUToker at

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