Thursday, April 6, 2006

Thursday Mumblings

I'm back...

Sorry for the long delay in this but I've been...tired and cranky and all sorts of things when I get home and it just wasn't happening for me.

I figured out early this week I'm in a rut again. I've been taking my job way too seriously and it's effecting me in so many different ways that I am not liking myself again.

I've put weight back on and I've got increasingly grouchy in my attitude at work and with everyone else...and that is not me. I have always been happy go lucky and very loving and carefree, but I know I've lost a little bit of my smile.

So, today was a day of cleansing. After work I said, "F**k this" and decided today was for me. If I don't want to answer the phone I won't and if the other line is unpleasant, the conversation is short and sweet. I drove home and changed into some shorts and a comfy shirt and did some shopping. It was nice to let the windows down in the car and just let the breeze flow and suck it all in..and I get to people watch all the hotties with their convertables.. :)

After shopping and dropping off some items I decided to go to the driving range. Its the one place where I can have my "me time" and not be disturbed or distracted. When I am at home the phone rings or someone's knocking on the door trying to sell me steaks out of the back of their truck or my neighbors are drinking in their garage so the driving range is my "serenity". I decided to purchase one of those electronic range thingies so I don't have to go to the Pro Shop and bug someone...I can just drive up, warm up, get my balls (hehe) and go swing until I am tried. It was SO MUCH fun tonight as I got a chance to listen to people give lessons and practice what they were saying...yes, I know if I want to get better I am going to have to pay someone, but for now...listening is great. If I had someone in front of me now it would totally ruin me and I would probably give up. This way I get all the benefit at zero cost...:)

After the range I decided to get din din at my favorite sandwich place..Crispers. I forgot they had free wi-fi so I brought my laptop in so I could get my news reading done before I got home. It was nice enjoying a bowl of Kickin' Crab and a nice Veggie Flat Bread and be able to me.

After that I came home and showered and did those bed things and now I'm here writing to you. It felt so good to just be out of that shell and do the things I love. Maybe this will help me get out of my used to be sex that got me out of it, which would make my ex girlfriends, and current girlfriend very happy, but that wouldn't truly satisfy me. I mean, sexually I am satisfied, but not emotionally. Today I made a conscious decision that it was going to be different this time. As much I am around for my friends and girlfriend I don't look after me as much as I should. Today is a day of change...I have to take care of me first or I won't be any good for anyone else.

So..another thing I love here's some Pet Peaves:
  • People that constantly check their IM by jumping on and off. You CAN sign in as invisible...that way people who want to talk to you don't see you hopping off an on...and that looks a little weird anyway.
  • Another thing about IM that pisses me off is when you see someone online for hours and when you finally get the time to talk to them just to say hi you get a, "I'm busy" and then they drop off...That invisible thing again does wonders...if you don't want people constantly IMing you during the day..just go invisible...or put something up that you're working on a project or something...messages work wonders.
  • Also, people that drive at night and don't turn their lights on. These people should be shot.
  • You pay me for a job to do and then I can't do it because I have to spend time emailing about every little thing that goes on...if you can't trust me enough to do the work, then don't give me the work. Funny, when other people were in charge and when I got assignments I did them quickly and efficiently with little interuption..and you know what?? I won awards for my work too...amazing what can happen when you're not micromanaged....
  • One of my biggest pet peaves is yelling. I can remember some of my cousins when we went over to their house for dinner and family stuff and all they ever did was yell. I can remember mom telling me that nothing gets solved that way and adults should never talk like that. I mean, there is a place for it...say if a child is going to burn their hand on a hot stove or if they are going to step out into the street those are perfect examples where you scream away. But I feel, and will always feel, that we as civilized and cultured adults should never have to stoop that sort of childish behavor. My therapist taught me a valuable can't put toothpaste back into the tube, so be very careful with your words and actions. I try to practice what I've been taught. The last time I yelled at someone was when I found out my ex had been unfaithful. It was a horrible day in my life and I said and did things that hopefully never happen again. I have kept that promise and I won't change for would make me...well, me.
  • Oh and I also hate Circus People... :)

Anyway, that's enough for tonight. To all my peeps, bitches and ho's..if there is no one else in the world that loves you...always remember...I do.

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