It's amazing the things you think about when your birthday comes around. In the past, it was wild times with drinking, dancing and other things I shouldn't post here, but it was always with friends. Now I think a great day is just being with friends and family. If a drink or two happens, that's great but it's not as important...now when I get to 40....that's another deal altogether.
I was sitting at mom's looking over family photos. One photo brought me to tears and I didn't know why at the time, but I think it's starting to become clear. It was a photo of my mom, with my brother and her kids, plus my brother and some of our close relatives. It brought a tear to my eyes because I wasn't in the picture. I always thought pictures were not important in my life and even now I can't remember the reason I didn't even come over to take the picture. Love makes you do some crazy things, things you don't normally do. One of the things that it made me do was forsake my family.
I don't think my ex-wife was too particually fond of my family. I could be wrong, but there was always something in the back of my head that made me think about that. Maybe it was my family was too "country" for her. Maybe it was they made her feel at ease when possibly in the back of her mind she was never to love me like I loved her.
Anyway, looking at the picture there are two people in that picture that are not with us anymore. One of them was my brother and the other was my "Aunt" Elsie. She wasn't my real aunt, but she helped raise us so I always called her that. I wasn't around where either of them passed away. With my brother I had actually come back home from Thanksgiving, but with my aunt I remember it was more of "not going to upset the woman". As much as I don't get along with some of my family they are still my life blood and I shouldn't forsake them for that. K is great and she always asks about my family and tells me I should go over to see them. She's an only child, but she understands the purpose of family. It's something that I love and respect about her. So this B-day instead of drinking and normal activities that "Toker" would end up doing it was Michael spending time at home with mother and family and working on her computer (damn modem is still having problems)
Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees...but in this love I will not forsake my family.
I've still been wanting to talk about my favorite subject, but maybe not tonite. I'll save it for another time.
Well, I should think about bed. Since I don't have to do anything tomorrow work-wise I should get up early and do some putzing around and make the world..and my yard...a better place.
Peace and Love from the Black Man!!
P.S. Roxy, I am NOT a pot stirrer...because a watched pot never boils... :)